I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
