i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
