I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
