I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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