i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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