I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
