So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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