As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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