I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
