Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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