white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
