I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
