I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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