She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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