Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
