just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
