i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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