Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
