and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
