No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
