I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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