Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
