...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
