We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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