Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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