You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
