I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
where are my pants?
in the oven.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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