Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize