people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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