Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize