we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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