Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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