i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
