I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
