omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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