so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Never underestimate the power of titties
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
