I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I want a musical about memes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
