you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
