I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
