five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize