I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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