smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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