good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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