Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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