I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize