woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize