just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
