I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
