I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
