naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
smell my finger.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
