absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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