how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
