There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
