Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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