I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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