don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
