I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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