God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
