You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
