Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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