I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
