Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
