Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
