So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize