dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
