just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize