her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
