Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drake has all the answers
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
